A journey to Inner Healing

It’s easier said than done. Maybe it’s because you don’t know where to start or you don’t have time, your anxiety is spiking and you’re unable to do anything. Or maybe you’ll just start on Monday. We always have an excuse.

I was the same and on occasion will still struggle to be honest with myself about why I haven’t gotten started or why I keep procrastinating. I would get an idea or a burst of motivation to do something only to hold myself back from acting on it. I would give myself excuses as to why I couldn’t possibly get started in that moment, which is pretty silly when I think about it. It was almost like I was trying not to get into trouble with myself. As if someone else would judge me just because I didn’t put the effort in at that moment.

It’s not like I’m being graded, like I have to turn in an assignment. It’s alright to simply say I didn’t feel like doing it. I began to understand that there was no need to continue to put myself down just because I didn’t do something that I felt like I should or needed to do. When I finally gave myself grace the pressure just dropped and only then was I able to actually follow through with anything I needed or wanted to do.

I look back and recognize it was the fear of failing that held me back. “If I don’t try I won’t fail” this way of think is how self doubt convinces us to stay in the same place.

If you’re happy where you’re you’re at, that’s wonderful. I on the other hand was never satisfied or even close to content in my circumstances. If anything I was miserable. Most would have taken a look at how I lived my life and thought I was the living my best life but, the perception is only made up from what you see on the outside nothing is ever truly how we think it is, unless we live it.

While I did struggle with many variables in my life I believe what really kept me stagnant is the fact that I failed to even try to pursue what I really wanted. In every area of my life. Yes, perfectionism and the fear of failing kept me from moving forward for many years and because of that my thoughts would often remind me in the worst way that I wasn’t anywhere near where I wanted to be.

The strain is still there but, I have come to understand that the only way to push forward is simply to get started. Even if it’s only one step, it’s still a step. Because I have ADHD it is very difficult for me to stay on one thing until it is complete. Usually, I will get distracted after a few minutes, luckily I have learned to work with it. Instead of getting frustrated with the knowledge that I couldn’t stay focused, I feel relief by the fact that I started writing down a rough draft of what it is I want to do. Or at least jot down a list of ideas to follow through when it catches my attention again. The trick is to keep it in an area where you spend a good amount of time at. I personally keep all my journals on my desk opened to the pages I need to look at so I don’t forget.

I even have a page dedicated to topics that have come to mind as I write my morning pages for my blog posts. I often keep it open so I remain mindful of them. I choose a topic each day and write a rough draft or at least ideas of what I want to say and later on when I feel like it, I type it up and post. This is just what works for me and it may work for others just as well.

A year ago I wouldn’t have never thought I would actually get around to make a blog and yet here I am. The same goes with other things I had picked up after putting it off for so long, I began learning how to play the piano, starting working out more and eating healthier, etc. And it was all because I decided one day that I didn’t have to do things right the first time. I still mess up, my playing is a work in progress, my brothers still correct my form when we exercise together and on occasion I eat junk food. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that I finally began doing what I had always said I wanted to do. And it’s all because I took that first step years ago.

The point is to just get started.